


Joyride

by otter



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-14
Updated: 2011-08-14
Packaged: 2017-10-22 15:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/239377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otter/pseuds/otter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the pod is plunging down toward the ocean -- down and down and down and Jesus, the drop can't be that far, can it? -- Corporal Newman is imagining landing on his feet, on a pair of yellow-painted footprints.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Joyride

When the pod is plunging down toward the ocean -- down and down and down and _Jesus,_ the drop can't be _that_ far, can it? -- Corporal Newman is imagining landing on his feet, on a pair of yellow-painted footprints.

He always thinks about that when he's in any kind of deep serious; he figures if he was brave enough to step off that bus and onto those footprints on Parris Island, then he's brave enough to do anything. He figures if he could survive the Drill Instructors and the sand fleas, he can survive this.

It's all bullshit, of course. The sand fleas in Pegasus will suck out your soul and the Wraith would eat Drill Instructors for lunch (unless of course the Drill Instructors proved to be unpalatable and the Wraith spit them out, which really wouldn't surprise Newman at all). Still, when the pod finally -- _finally,_ thank Christ -- hits the water, he's thinking that surely this is gonna be nothing but a cakewalk, compared to all those times he was quarterdecked during basic. The pod's inertial dampeners have apparently kicked in, because the jolt when they splash down is no worse than a speedbump. They're gonna get out of this just fine.

He nearly says as much, until they start sinking.

Dr. Billings says, "Oh God, we're _sinking,_ " as if nobody else has noticed, and at the same time Dr. McKay says, "I thought you knew how to drive one of these, Corporal."

"No, sir," Newman says. "I'd be able to drive it if it were an Amphibious Assault Vehicle, sir, but for all I know this thing's a food processor." He's just fiddling with controls at random now because they're sinking _really_ fast and he's pretty sure this thing isn't supposed to work like this. He's pretty sure it's supposed to _work,_ at any rate, and right now the way it's descending tells him that whatever this thing is, it dreams of being an anchor.

Something starts flashing on his display, and it's completely not helpful because he can decipher a TM 09674A-10/3 AAVP7A1 Operator's Manual, but Ancient writing just looks like an abandoned game of pick-up sticks. Dr. Zelenka leans in over his shoulder, squints at the display, and says -- equally unhelpfully -- "Oh. That is... bad."

McKay leans over the other shoulder and says, "Oh look. We're sinking. Tell me something I _don't_ know." He pushes a couple of buttons, but it doesn't seem to work any better than when Newman pushed those buttons, because they still don't do anything, no matter how viciously McKay jabs at them. He whacks at the panel with the flat of his hand, but that doesn't do anything either.

"I don't think this craft was designed to function at depth," Zelenka says. He's pushing a few other buttons, but he's obviously not taking the sinking thing personally like McKay is. "Hull pressure is increasing. We must surface."

"Oh, why didn't I think of that?" McKay says. "We'll just find the button that says 'avert certain doom' on it."

Somewhere in the back, Billings is going, "Oh shit, oh shit, oh _shit,_ " and he's breathing like a marathon runner. There's a click-click-click as he keys his radio over and over, but there's no signal.

Something starts beeping in time with the flashing warning lights, and Zelenka says, "Oh, I see," and crawls into the footwell underneath the console. He says something in Czech -- it sounds like the kind of Czech that a good Czechoslovakian would never use in front of his mother -- and his wiry little body is squirming against Newman's shins, and then he gives the underside of the panel a good whack. Suddenly the control console stops beeping and squawks like an angry parrot instead, the blast shield over the front of the pod peels back to reveal a clear porthole, and the vehicle shoots toward the surface.

The pod breeches like an overshot torpedo, popping a few feet out of the water and then landing hard on the ocean surface in a bellyflop that the dampeners can't quite account for; Zelenka bounces around in the footwell like a fish, and McKay tumbles toward the rear compartment, where Billings is pleading with all the gods he can think of (even the ones that he must know are goa'ulds) in the hopes that one of them will get the message in time to save him.

Out the front porthole, there's nothing but wide-open sea and clear blue sky, and the pod rocks gently with the push of the ocean against the hull.

In Newman's ear, Doctor Weir's voice says, "Doctor McKay? Doctor Zelenka? What happened? Our sensors indicate you dropped into the ocean."

Billings seems to be crying -- Newman figures Billings is probably the kind of guy who'd cry about anything, from rollercoasters to car accidents to chick flicks -- but they seem to be relieved tears, rather than "I have a sucking chest wound and am going to die" tears, so Newman ignores him.

Since Zelenka did whatever he did, the control console has lit up completely, and there are intriguing little blinking things just begging to be touched.

"Just went for a little joyride, Elizabeth," McKay is saying, into his headset. "Nothing to worry about."

"The city dumped us into the sea when we were least expecting it," Zelenka clarifies. "Not that we normally expect to be dropped into the sea at all. And we have no idea how to drive this thing."

"Actually," Newman says, "now that it's turned on, I kind of think that it... yeah. This one." He reaches out for the handle that looks suspiciously like a throttle, and presses it forward before anybody can argue.

The pod shoots forward, skimming smoothly on the surface, though the sudden acceleration is still enough to knock McKay on his ass again. Zelenka had the presence of mind to grab the console instead of trying to grab at Newman like McKay did, so he's still on his feet and not looking put out at all; he's staring out the windshield with his mouth hanging open.

"Oh, hey," Newman says, because he's found another throttle-looking lever and it really seems like it might do something really cool. He pushes it slowly forward, too, and the pod gracefully dives nose-first under the surface of the water.

"Okay, underwater again," McKay says. He sounds a little annoyed, but he's on his feet again and holding on to the console this time. And anyway, he _always_ sounds annoyed. "Do us a favor, Corporal, and don't kill us all."

"Of course not, sir," Newman says, and he was going to say something witty about how he likes _Zelenka_ at least, so he isn't going to let _him_ die, but he gets sort of side-tracked by the pod, because he really _gets_ it now. They're weaving up and down just beneath the surface of the water, like a dolphin -- if dolphins had inertial dampeners and passenger compartments and fun blinking lights -- and McKay's actually smiling, like he's starting to understand just how cool this all is.

"So," McKay says, "Amphibious vehicle?"

"More like a speedboat," Zelenka says. "Or the lovechild of a speedboat and a submarine."

Newman snorts, and starts wondering if the vehicle can jump like a dolphin too, but he decides not to try it just at the moment, because he doesn't want Billings to mess up the upholstery in the back by peeing his pants.

"Nah," Newman says. "It's definitely a minivan." He swerves starboard to avoid a really long eel-looking thing, and the boat starts offering up some displays which could be either helpful offers of additional features, or condemnation of his driving skills.

"You're going to kill the local wildlife," McKay says. "You'd better let me drive."

"No, me next," Zelenka says. "I am the one who saved all our lives by fixing the ignition. I should drive."

Newman breeches the pod again, breaking the surface into dazzling daylight, and says, "If you kids don't stop fighting, I _will_ turn this pod around."

the end


End file.
